u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
