I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Randomize
