she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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