I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
