Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
