i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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