she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
