After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
