I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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