i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
