take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
