Your face is a jimmy john
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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