Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
