I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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