i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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