She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
