please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
