my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
