hotel room ftw
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My life is pants optional.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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