She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
