Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
