I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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