I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sarcasm needs its own font
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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