I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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