It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
