Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
