So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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