im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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