More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Randomize
