theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
