a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
this boner is exhausting
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
