Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
