Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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