Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
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he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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