That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
