Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
