dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Randomize
