I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Randomize
