Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
