so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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