it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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