I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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