I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
