do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize