i was born a porn star she said
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
