Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
