I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
