I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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