hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
