Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
