Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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