Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
