I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
