so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
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