i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
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I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
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Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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