he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
