...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
