im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
