just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
