im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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