Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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