Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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