My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
