It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
