Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
