Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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