Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
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God, you're like boner-b-gone
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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