My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Randomize
