; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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