why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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