I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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