Are we in a gay sports bar?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
