Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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