dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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