It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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