k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
