I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
