Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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