Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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