bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
